You and Me
by sablefalls
Summary: Does it really happen if you never speak about it? Hawkeye and Margaret have a secret they share.
1. Chapter 1

It all starts when they are assigned to Battalion Aid. She doesn't want to go. The front terrifies her on so many levels, but she also knows she could never live with herself if one of her nurses went and was harmed. She puts on a brave face, hides behind her Major mask then challenges the surgeons as she volunteers.

He doesn't want to go anymore than she does but the luck of the draw decides for him. In a way she is relieved though as she knows he is the best and she feels an odd sense of comfort that it is Hawkeye and not Frank that will accompany her.

At the Aid station, it's as horrific as she imagined it would be. The burned out remainder of the station itself is enough to give her chills. The gunfire and explosions make her want to run but she is needed here. This is what she was trained to do. Together they fall into a seamless rhythm of work. The corpsmen bring the wounded in and she assists him in getting them stable enough for the ambulance ride back to the MASH. The pace is fast and punishing but keeps her mind off the gunfire and artillery shells.

At night the absence of the shelling is almost more frightening than the artillery itself. In the quiet her imagination conjures up horrific images; she has no illusions about what would happen to an American woman in enemy hands. Although she is exhausted the fear keeps her from being able to sleep. She lies in the dark with her heart pounding from adrenaline. The morning will bring fresh wounded and she needs her rest but she can't seem to close her eyes.

He must have known because he lies down next to her, pulling her close to him. For a moment, she resists, afraid to show her weakness.

"Margaret," he speaks in a low voice. She turns to him and in what light is there she can see such sadness in his blue eyes.

Wordlessly, she nods in understanding and wraps her arms around him. He pulls her closer and buries his head against her as he lets out a shaky sigh. They lay like this for some time. She rubs her hand in soothing circles on his back as his breath evens out. He sits up enough to look her in the eyes. Her breath catches in her chest at what she sees and before she can stop herself she rises up pressing her lips to his.

When he doesn't respond back, she panics thinking she has misread the situation. Pulling back, her face burns hot with embarrassment. She opens her eyes to see him staring at her with the same intensity he has in the operating room. Nervously she swallows and says "Hawk…"but is cut off as he kisses her back.

The silence of the night is broken by the quiet rustling of clothing and gentle sighs. Afterward, she drifts to sleep pressed close to him.

The next morning each awakes to the sound of gunfire, screams of the wounded, and a secret they both share.

Once they are safely back at MASH, they never mention it, but there is an understanding that stretches between them. They each continue on as if nothing has happened. He chases nurses. Frank chases her. And the war rages on around them.

A few weeks after their stint at Battalion Aid, they are mired in a particularly gory OR session. A village has been struck and small children are amongst the injured. She is assisting him on a very serious case but even in his gifted hands, nothing can be done. He won't give up, even after it is clear nothing will change the outcome.

She can only stare as he tries to fight Death itself, until Henry's gentle voice chimes in.

"Margaret, take him out for some air."

She nods, still unable to find her words, as she carefully takes his arm and pulls him out of the OR. She leads him to the scrub room away from the others. Sitting him on a bench she unties their bloodied scrubs. He never moves or acknowledges her until she turns away to dispose of them in the hamper.

Suddenly his arms wrap around her, turning her to face him. Thankful for a reaction of any sort she winds her arms around his neck. Instinctively, his lips find hers. In a few steps, he backs her across the room behind the curtained-off area making short work of her pants along the way. Effortlessly he lifts and presses her against the wall before roughly entering her. This is fast and furious and she can tell he is working through the anger. She is swept up in the intensity and the passion. It's over quickly and they redress in silence. She helps him scrub up to go back in again.

They enter the OR and Margaret is sure that everyone can tell what happened. Frank glares at his bunkmate in his typical fashion. Henry nods his approval at them, glad to see his Chief Surgeon in better spirits. Klinger brings them another patient and they fall back into their rhythm.

She tries to not think about this dance of theirs. For the most part they ignore one another. He spends time with her nurses and Trapper; she spends time with Frank and her thoughts. More and more her thoughts center on him. She can see the toll that the war takes on him and her heart aches knowing he didn't sign up for this, but he is needed here all the same. He does what he can to cope with it but there are times when it hits too hard and he seeks her out. She has grown comfortable with this give and take they have with each other because, for now, it seems to work.

Henry goes home, but he never makes it beyond the Sea of Japan. The camp is in shock and there aren't words enough to say what is on everyone's mind; so no one tries. Many crowd into the Officer's Club. Frank shuts himself up in Henry's office; his ferret eyes gleaming with the idea of command. She can't bear to witness it so she retreats to her tent. She knows he will come to her tonight. She waits in silence but after many hours she throws off the covers and pulls on her boots. Perhaps she miscalculated her importance to him and she realizes how much she has come to rely on him for her own sense of peace.

She can't sleep and is too proud to wait any longer for a man that doesn't need her. Leaving her tent, she opts to go to supply to take inventory. The camp is silent, as everyone has drowned their sorrows. Opening the door to the supply room, she reaches for the light switch only to have arms come around her from behind and push her farther into the room. For a moment she panics and opens her mouth to scream but is cut off by his mouth finding hers. His arms pull her closer and she almost collapses against him in relief that it is him and not someone else.

As she expects he is rough and demanding of her, using her body to work out his grief and his anger. And she does the same. He hisses as she digs her nails into his back marking him and she moans as he nips her neck a bit too hard.

The next morning she wears her black turtleneck to hide the evidence on her neck and by the look he gives her in the Mess Tent she knows he has taken extra care with the marks on his back. They continue their dance around one another, but the stakes are a bit higher now.

BJ arrives just as quickly as Trapper leaves. She was concerned for him to lose his friend so suddenly and without the goodbye that is so important to him, but seeing how easily he and the new surgeon get along she has hope he will be okay. Colonel Potter soon takes his place becoming the surrogate father figure they were all needing. The camp seems to have recovered from their loss and feels stronger than before.

Margaret, however, feels adrift and alone. She has two men in her life but neither can give her what she really needs. She no longer knows what that is; just that she needs more than to be hidden under the cover of night. Frank will never leave his wife; that was a school girl fantasy. As for Hawkeye….she tries to not think about it too much. Ignoring the situation has helped her keep her sanity about it, but she also knows that peace is fleeting.

This denial leads to her next mistake.

Tokyo is a true pearl in a sea of despair. It offers escape and dreams are found there. At least that is the illusion and Margaret is willing to believe in dreams enough that she lets herself fall a bit too much for a dashing Lt. Col.

It's all whirlwind and passion and she can't help but be swept up in it because he is so unlike the men she dances around. He isn't a major with a wife or a surgeon fighting the specter of Death and this makes him appealing on so many levels she just can't help herself.

She floats back to camp on silver clouds, not seeing the dark ones ahead for her. Later she will pity herself that she was a fool because it was too good to be true. She is, and always will be, a woman drawn to the wrong man.


	2. Chapter 2

He thinks about her often. He can see the way she watches the mail, waiting for a word from the man she has given her heart to. He doesn't want to wait around for the disappointment in her eyes when her name isn't called, but he does.

It must be the machoist side of him that he wants to share her pain. He wants so much to go to her and shed this darkness inside him if only for awhile in her arms. He doesn't know if he is afraid to tempt her or taint her.

It ends spectacularly of course; another casualty of the war. Her hands shake as she holds her divorce papers. In a way it is a relief but it is also another failure and they are beginning to stack up against her more and more. She's not sure if she is angry at herself for falling for one man obviously so wrong for her or for marrying another man to try to take his place.

After her return from Tokyo, they had ceased their dance in unspoken agreement. That night in the hut, they had fallen into one another again. The shelling, coupled with the 'Darlene' letter broke down any reserves she had. The way he eagerly pulled her to him told her he was at a breaking point too. There are some things you just shouldn't fight and this seems to be one of them.

This time the music feels different and the dance steps more intricate. He skirts the line of sanity dangerously close to the tipping point and there are times she is nervous around him. But then again she realizes as he pulls his olive green shirt over skin marked and remarked with her nails and teeth that she is skirting the line too. She just hides it better.

Trapper never paid much attention to the dynamics between the Chief Surgeon and Head Nurse. He was too busy chasing the other nurses to care what his competition, albeit friendly, was up too. BJ has no such hobbies to keep him busy.

"My, my, Margaret," BJ's friendly voice intones when she enters the scrub room. It's just the two of them for the moment as the other surgeons are busy elsewhere. She gives him a questioning look.

He gives her a gentle smile as he glances at her neck where a faint mark remains. She can't wear her turtleneck in the OR so a simple shirt has to do.

"Seems you've been busy." He explains as he scrubs his hands.

She tenses and freezes. She never has been good with private matters and despises the way she can't just roll with it like Hawkeye would.

"Who's the lucky man?" he asks as he stands up and shakes the water off his hands.

"None of your business Captain." She hisses at him. Her eyes stare daggers at him and she hopes he won't call her bluff.

He gives her a large smile and shrugs. "Of course, Major," before sliding through the doors to the OR.

A few hours into the session she is assisting Hawkeye on a chest case. The chatter in the OR has been nominal so far and he is glad of it. He doesn't feel quite settled yet and the normal easy rhythm of patching kids back together eludes him. Looking over at Margaret, he can see the tension on her face. For a moment he is taken aback. Could she be uneasy having to work with him?

Whatever they are to each other, and he tries to not think about what that could be, they are professionals who work together beautifully. Has he ruined that because he lacks a healthy way of dealing with his darker emotions?

He knows she deserves better. He has always firmly believed that she deserved more than Frank Burns, or Donald Penobscott, or any of the military brass she left in her wake as she marched through the Asian theater. She deserves more than he can give her too.

However, he knows that she, like him, is getting something she needs from what they share. The marks they leave on each other speak more about their collective state of mind than even Sydney could decipher. How he manages to leave this out of his therapy sessions he doesn't know but he wonders if on some level Sydney has already figured it out.

Everyone has a way to cope with the war, Sydney says, but surely by now the psychiatrist can see that the drinking and carousing are more fronts than anything to hide the real coping mechanism Hawkeye keeps under wraps.

BJ, too, is beginning to notice something is amiss. While Hawkeye talks a big game, there is very little playing on the court to back it up. He flirts. He mingles but he stopped crossing that line a long time ago. In a way, he flirts with the other nurses just because he can't flirt openly with her. He often wonders what she would do if he did just that and really pursued her like a man should pursue a woman.

"Is Margaret seeing anybody?" BJ asks offhandedly as he takes his seat beside him on the bench.

Hawkeye nearly chokes on his powdered eggs at the boldness of his bunkmate's question.

Col Potter holds his coffee and stares thoughtfully out the screened walls of the Mess Tent where he is seated across from them. "She hasn't taken R&R for some time."

"Really, Hunnycut" intones Charles, seated beside Potter, "taking an interest in gossip about our delightful Head Nurse?"

He tries to not glare at the way Charles' voice sounds when speaking about her. On some level he feels that the Boston native is drawn to his blonde Major.

_The_ blonde Major, he amends in his head.

"Eh, just seen something that caught my eye." BJ throws out there, with a careless shrug.

"She has been divorced for some time," Potter reflects. Hawkeye's stomach clenches at the look of fatherly concern in the older man's eyes.

"So what exactly did you see that was so intriguing, Hunnycut? " Charles prompts.

He grits his teeth. He can see the gleam of curiosity and a hint of jealousy in the other man's eyes.

BJ gives one of his enigmatic smiles. "Just a little love bite."

And there it is: this thing they have kept hidden for so long just tossed out there in the open.

The eyebrows of both men rise in surprise and he can see the wheels turning in their heads as they bring up the last image they had of Margaret and what they overlooked that the younger man has seen.

After several minutes of silence, Charles speaks, "She must be working hard to hide it." His voice is softer now and Hawkeye feels a glimmer of hope that perhaps they will respect her privacy and leave it be.

Potter nods decisively beside him."Agreed. Margaret is a grown woman and can look after herself. Let's just hope this new fella knows how special she is and treats her the way she deserves to be treated."There is that fatherly tone again. "Still," he continues with a hint of steel in his voice, "it's not like her to hide these things either. If she was carrying on with someone, surely we would have heard something about it by now."

They take a moment to soak this in.

"Hunnycut," Charles breaks the silence, "Did she say anything to you about it?"

"She got angry." BJ replies. "Told me it was none of my business."

They consider this new bit of information. Each man's train of thoughts are different from the other: Potter feels concern for his pseudo-daughter, Charles wonders in a vague way how this new beau compares to him, BJ is just curious to solve this little puzzle, and Hawkeye is…uncharacteristically silent.

Slowly, the gears slide into place as each man in turn directs his eyes to the Chief Surgeon. They watch him for a moment, weighing what they know against what they think they know.

"You haven't said much about this, Pierce." Charles says quietly.

Years of poker and meatball surgery while under fire have helped him keep some things from showing and for that he is thankful.

"Oh, I learned a long time ago to stay out of Hot Lips' love life." He says dismissively. "She hits a bit too hard for my delicate sensibilities." He gives them a smile.

They watch him a bit longer but one by one begin to slowly mirror his smile. Hawkeye and Margaret are known for their arguments, whether they happen in the OR, the Mess Tent, or Post Op and this thing that they have has not tempered it. Whatever they have going on with each other does not change the people that they are in front of the others. It is nearly unthinkable for two people that could push each other so far in public to be able to have anything they could keep private.

The irony is that it is in private where they work off those volatile emotions and are able to maintain their professional relationship. The others underestimate their ability to keep quiet like this. He is both disappointed and relieved in this regard because, anymore, Hawkeye isn't sure if it is a good thing that it remains hidden but he's also not ready for it to come out in the light. This thing, whatever it is, is so secret, that they don't even speak of it to each other.

The next few days are a whirlwind of marathon OR sessions and periodic shelling. Nearby villages are hit hard and the wounded make their way to the 4077. Piecing together 18yr old soldiers is difficult enough for the toughest of surgeons but it is nothing compared with trying to put back together the little children that come to them now.

Margaret and he work like the strong surgical team that they are known to be, carving hope out of despair. He can feel eyes trailing their every move though as the other men watch closer now, having been keyed in by his best friend's ill-timed observation.

He chances a glance at her throat and can see the tell-tale mark he left. He reprimands himself and makes a resolution to be more careful. He already stopped taking showers the same time BJ did so he didn't have to bare the scrutiny of the scratches on his back and arms, even the occasional nip from her. It draws a smile to his face thinking of how intense she is in bed.

"Something funny, Hawk? " BJ asks as he deftly sews a nicked artery shut.

This draws the attention of the other two doctors and Margaret as well.

He shakes his head, calling "Suction" and avoids the conversation.

Margaret is passing by the nurses' tent when she can't help but hear their squealing and giggling.

"I tell you he's hiding something for sure!" She hears one of them say over the others.

"How can you tell?" another one asks with laughter in her voice.

"He's not been on a date with any of us for months!"

For a moment they all get quiet thinking about it. Margaret holds her breath and hopes Klinger doesn't come by on night patrol.

"Maybe he has a girl in one of the villages?" She hears one girl timidly offer up.

"No," another one says confidently. "That's not Hawkeye's style."

"Well, obviously he's been busy," Margaret cringes at the same words Hunnycut used with her.

"What do you mean?" one asks with a hint of fascination in her voice.

"I saw him changing in the scrub room." She pauses for dramatic effect." Whoever he's with is a wild one!"

"You were spying?" a voice accuses.

"No, not at all. I was walking by and could see him without his shirt on."

A collective gasp fills the tent.

"What did you see and don't leave out any details?"

Margaret can tell from the tone of the woman's voice that she adores having their rapt attention. Listening to the woman's descriptions, Margaret closes her eyes remembering in startling detail how each mark came to be and the passion that went with it. It brings a smile to her face.

The occasional bite mark is referred to as a "love bite" to the giggling nurses.

It is unknowingly more of Hunnycut's words thrown at them.

The tent is silent and for a moment Margaret worries she has been caught eavesdropping.

Then suddenly they erupt in chatter and speculation. Unable to stomach more of it, she turns away and retreats to her tent.


	3. Chapter 3

The camp is beginning to talk.

The nurses watch him and the doctors watch her. It's only a matter of time before they come up with a working hypothesis and test it out.

The nurses act first. They begin to flirt with him more. They are coy and shy at first but gradually become bolder in their propositions. At first, she watches it from across the compound but as they step up their efforts to tempt him, they begin to do it right in front of her.

She was surprised by their tactics at first. They could risk being reprimanded behaving like that in front of their commanding officer but then she realized that her reaction could tip her hand in this too. So she makes excuses to walk away when she sees one of them coming with the telltale sashay in her hips. She goes far enough away that they feel they have privacy but not so far she can't hear or see what is said.

First, comes the gentle touch on the arm coupled with a soft smile. When the nurse has his attention she slides in closer pressing against him and makes her offer. Her eager eyes look up at him twinkling with anticipation…and just as quickly she sees the twinkle disappear as he gently turns the nurse down and the girl retreats.

When this first started to happen she was strangely thrilled that he was rejecting the obviously eager women, but that led to a bit of panic about his reasons for turning them away. Was he doing it because he didn't want to jeopardize their own activities or because he really wasn't interested in them anymore?

For his part he is very surprised by the change in the attitude of the nursing staff. Before he would have to work hard to get a date, but now that he has stopped chasing them, they seem to come to him. He smirks when he thinks of what Trapper would have said about it.

Margaret's reaction is also surprising to him. She is never a woman to retreat but she is quick to leave his side when one of her nurses approaches. Clearly something is going on that he is not aware of and he wonders if he should ask her about it but that would mean they breach the unspoken agreement to not talk about what goes on between them.

The doctors take a decidedly different approach. They are all friends with Margaret so they make more of a point to talk to her and encourage her to open up. Charles even offers to set her up on a date with a surgeon he knows at Tokyo General that would be perfect for her. She smiles politely but finds an excuse to not meet the man. BJ tries to goad her into spilling the beans about her mystery man but she ignores him and focuses more on work. Potter looks on with the same fatherly concern he carries for all of them.

The camp has taken up the new hobby of watching them, but the two sides are doing it for different reasons. She has began to feel that her every move is being scrutinized; his too. How they have not put it together yet she doesn't know but they have managed to run them underground so they can't find time to be together at all without risking being caught. The tension is getting to them both as they keep their emotions bottled up. Inevitably, it explodes all over the compound.

It starts with something small and snowballs from there. It's a domino effect and they seem to feed off of the other's frustrations more than anything. She snaps at the enlisted and he unleashes on Igor. This escalates to her taking it out on the nursing staff while he almost gets court-martialed by a General passing through.

Eventually they turn on each other and it happens at the end of a long OR session.

They have just finished up on a difficult patient, who is also thankfully the last of the patients as soon as the other three surgeons finish up with theirs too. The normal banter in the OR had been replaced by snide remarks which quickly elevated to snappish insults between the two. Perhaps she is a bit too forceful at the end as she shoves an instrument in his hand, earning her another glare from his steel blue eyes.

She can see he is at a breaking point but she is so far down her own path that she can't be bothered to care. He growls at her and she decides that she has had enough and turns on her heel and walks out of the OR.

The others notice her sudden departure and all eyes turn to him. BJ turns to his best friend but the look in the man's eyes is unsettling. Normally, Hawkeye is all fury and passion, but this is something quiet and worse.

"Kelley, close for me" is all he says as he swiftly follows her out the doors.

Potter lets out a curse as he rushes to finish his patient as he is sure that his Chief Surgeon and Head Nurse are about to lay into one another and someone needs to be there to stop them.

The cool night air is sobering when Margaret throws the door open and steps outside. The chill is enough to take some of the edge off of her anger but she keeps walking anyway. She doesn't have a place in mind but she just knows she had to get out of there. The thing is he hasn't even done anything to upset her but just being around him is throwing her off balance and when she gets thrown off balance she gets angry.

Hawkeye_ is_ angry at her and the cool air does little to soothe that feeling. He sees her a bit in the distance walking away from him and he moves to catch up with her. His long legs clear the ground faster than her quick pace can.

Of course, she hears him coming and she knew as soon as she made the decision to walk out that he would be hot on her heels. It's not until she feels his large hand latch onto her arm and pull her around to face his furious blue eyes that she thinks this may have been a bad idea.

He knows it's a bad idea too but is past the point of no return. When Potter and the others make it outside they can hear their shouts ring through the compound, echoing off the metal building. In the distance he can see them arguing. The tension and anger in their body language has nearly become a substance all to its own.

He starts to yell at Radar to call the MPs as he is sure this is about to get worse before it gets better when a shot rings out. Instinctively, he ducks back inside the building as the sniper fires another shot.

Outside, their words die out with the sound of the bullet and they both hit the ground. They are too far from the buildings to get to safety so they crawl towards a truck that has been left parked at the edge of the compound. The sniper follows their progress dotting the ground with bullets until they are securely underneath.

He lays over her as much as he can to shield her. The truck does not afford them much coverage and the sniper takes advantage of this. The bullets ring off the metal frame and the ground around them. All they can do is curl into one another and hope for the best.

Inside, Potter is shouting down the phone for back up, while the rest of the unit huddles alternately worried for their own safety as well as that of the two trapped outside.

Fortunately, a nearby unit sweeps in and removes the sniper. Once the all clear is called, Potter rushes out as they are pulling themselves from under the badly damaged truck. They are clearly shaken and quickly split from each other to retreat to their own space.

Later, Potter sits back in his chair and rubs his hand over his face. These two will either destroy the camp or each other and its beginning to become clear to him just what is at the heart of the issue, but ever the gentleman, he won't bring it up, at least until he has too.


	4. Chapter 4

They are seated in his office and their body language speaks volumes. Hawkeye is slumped in the chair looking worse for wear and miserable to boot. Margaret is poised with her hair pulled back and a stern look on her face.

"I'm sending both of you to a medical conference in Tokyo." He announces.

Pierce all but glares at him. That boy really can hold onto his feelings.

Her mouth opens in surprise but then closes just as quick. She knows better than to argue right now.

Surely, they can see what he is trying to do. He hopes they will take this opportunity before he has to put his foot down.

The next day finds them in Tokyo. Potter has pulled some strings and they are booked in a very nice hotel with rooms next to one another. He had entertained the thought of making them share a room but decided against it. He wanted them to work it out, not finish each other off and take Tokyo with them.

Margaret heads down to the bar to mingle with the other officers. She is dressed in a form fitting red dress and feels so much more relaxed after an invigorating massage. There was no harm in taking a bit of extra time to pamper herself.

She seats herself at the bar and orders a drink. Several different men stop by to speak to her but she gently turns them down. The last thing she wants is to make her life more complicated but she does smile at the attention.

He enters the bar dressed in his class A's. He has never liked wearing them but Potter made it clear how important it was for him to present a good image at this conference. Given the way things have been going lately, he feels he owes it to the man to follow this kind but firm suggestion.

Beside him is a pulmonologist named John that he has met at these conferences before and happened to run into in the lobby. They decided to catch up over a drink and Hawkeye could use the down time.

The bar is crowded with army brass and beautiful women. The cheerful atmosphere is relaxing and the drink flows freely.

"Whoa, take a look at that one!" John says his voice filled with interest. He follows the man's line of sight to a blonde in a red dress seated alone at the bar.

She is facing the other direction watching the dance floor with a slightly wistful look on her face. Together they watch as a Colonel approaches and slides in close to her.

He forces himself to remain seated when the man reaches out to slide his hand down her arm as he leans forward to whisper in her ear. It shouldn't bother him but it does on so many levels that he carefully avoids examining any closer.

He grips his tumbler tightly as she leans back and gives the man a soft smile before taking his hand in hers. She pats it the way he has watched her do to the wounded in post op and with that smile still on her face she sends him on his way.

He releases a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

John has also taken in the sights and eyes the situation appraisingly.

"I'm going in!" the man calls out as he leaps from the table and makes his way across the room to try his luck.

At first, he is bothered by the man's eagerness to get at the major, but he tempers himself with knowing if she is going to turn away a Colonel that his Captain friend has no chance either.

Perhaps the bar was a bad idea, she thinks. She wanted to just be in a crowd but be alone with her thoughts. She forgot what men were like when they see a woman on her own. She has turned away several advances already. Another man slides close to her.

From his vantage point at the table, he watches John take a casual stance leaning against the bar beside her. He leans in to her and smiles, chatting her up in some way. Years of service have taught Margaret how to hide her feelings but he knows her too well and can see from the way she purses her lips that she is annoyed.

John won't notice though as he is too busy trying to find a hook to reel her in like a prize. He thinks for a moment that he should be angry at the man but he soothes himself knowing he has no claim on her at all. Besides, John has no idea the roles they play in each other's lives.

Soon enough, John makes his way back to the table and she returns her gaze out to the dancing couples as the band plays on.

"Strike out?" He asks teasingly.

"Yeah" John says with a resigned shrug, "Said she's waiting for someone."

This gets his attention. She has many "friends" amongst the brass and he knows that a beautiful woman like herself has no trouble attracting men. He gets a sinking feeling in his stomach that this is will be like the Donald disaster. He hadn't been sure how to behave after she told him and BJ the news. She was bubbling over with joy and it felt wrong to come between her and her dreams.

Later though, her crippled marriage and a night under fire pushed aside any reservations he had about getting in the way and things picked back up again. At the time, he was not willing to admit just how much he needed her and that her engagement and subsequent marriage had almost been his undoing. He sublimated it into crazy stunts, practical jokes and of course drinking. At least, he handled it better than Frank did with his very public breakdown. He tries to not be bitter about his former bunkmate.

The two doctors sit and chat a bit longer but his eye is always on her as she continues to sit alone and brushes off the advances of drunken officers.

Surgery requires skill and confidence. A good surgeon knows the limits of medicine and what the human body can do. A brilliant surgeon pushes those limits and challenges Death himself. No one ever accused him of being humble. Making his decision, he stands and makes his way across the room.

John gives a small laugh watching his friend move towards the blonde. Pierce never did know when to give up.

The dancing couples have her attention and she is a bit lost in a day dream when he draws near. Her field of vision is suddenly blocked by a wall of brown and she grits her teeth in annoyance at another interruption.

This annoyance melts into surprise at the source of the interruption.

He gives her one of his dazzling smiles, with his blue eyes twinkling. "Hawkeye Pierce" he introduces himself, offering his hand.

For a moment she stares at him in confusion. She looks at his offered hand and places her own in it slowly.

"Margaret Houlihan" she responds with uncertainty.

He holds her hand in his and smiles again. "Would you like to dance?"

She finds herself nodding as she slides from the barstool and he leads her to the floor. The band is playing a slow song so he pulls her close.

There are so many things he should say to her. He reflects on the last two years. This thing between them has been both their Achilles' Heel and their saving grace. It frightens him at how quickly they both came apart when they fell out of step with each other. He had barely survived it before but this time she was lost too and that had magnified the imbalance. It hits him just how much they need each other.

"I'm sorry." He finally says in a low voice.

She smiles up at him. "Me too."

Holding one another close, they fall back into step with one another.

Upstairs the glow from the city is their only light as they continue their dance in private. Each can tell that something serious has shifted between them and it carries a weight that they can't ignore anymore. Even after everything that has happened they are still afraid to put it to words so they let their bodies do the talking.

**Author's Note: there is more to come. **


	5. Chapter 5

Their return to MASH is uneventful and they part from one another in the compound as if it was any other day.

Rumors have been flying since their explosive argument. The sniper's attack cut short their disagreement. A betting pool is started concerning their activities in Tokyo, which Potter quickly puts a stop too. He doesn't want them to feel harassed again and risk another blow up

They each settle into a comfortable rhythm. Still, they have avoided having the talk that they both know looms before them.

They still argue of course.

Just because they have began to accept what they really mean to one another doesn't change the fact that they will disagree. Their skirmishes are still as intense as ever but now there is a new energy that flows between them. Now that the camp has backed off to watch from a safe distance, they can exorcise their frustrations with one another but some of it still spills out.

Margaret is a beautiful and desirable woman. She is smart, strong and dedicated. Men are drawn to her and he thought he had made peace with this. He hates being wrong.

Colonel whoever comes to camp and is lodged in the VIP tent. He misses the man's name because it becomes nothing but static when he sees the way he greets the major. A hug and kiss on the cheek are not regulation greetings.

From the bright smile on her face, he can tell she is glad to see her friend, so he leaves her to it and retreats to the Swamp.

It gnaws at him though, but he resolves to leave her alone and not act on his jealous feelings. He empties most of the still before he loses this battle with himself and leaves BJ and Charles sleeping to make his way to her tent.

He knocks.

No answer.

He chances opening the door. He would rather her be furious at him for barging in than keep this sense of unease pent up any longer.

Her tent is empty. 

"Breathe," she urges the young Korean woman lying in front of her. The woman moans in pain as another contraction hits. The baby is on his way.

Margaret had spent time in the Officer's Club visiting with Colonel Richmond, who was an old family friend she has known since she was a child. The hour grew late though and she left him with Colonel Potter to talk as she headed for her tent and bed.

Along the way though, she was intercepted by a young girl begging her to help her mother deliver a baby. She quickly tells Klinger, whose on patrol duty, before dashing off to the hut a few miles down the road.

Klinger goes off duty and to sleep not having told anyone where she was. 

When she returns the next morning with the new mother and baby in tow, the surgical team is already at work in the OR with a few patients. She quickly scrubs and joins them.

The atmosphere is icy and the looks thrown her way by the staff clue her in on who is at the heart of it. He ignores her and only speaks aloud when he needs an instrument.

His hangover is killing him and it does nothing to help the knife that is twisting in his chest when he sees her. Her eyes are bright and shining and she is all but bubbling over with happiness. One night with another man and she is like a new woman.

She approaches his table to check on her nurses.

"Nice of you to join us" he says not looking at her.

The tone of voice is acrid and hostile and she moves on quickly not wanting to raise his ire in the OR. The joy she feels at having seen new life come in the midst of this dark war begins to dampen.

The rest of the staff barely speaks to her but she knows him so well she can fill in the details.


	6. Chapter 6

"Where were you? " He accuses in the scrub room.

The question takes her, as well as the other surgeons in the room, off guard.

Seeing her surprise, his anger spikes, "I needed you in there earlier."

It's the right sentiment but the wrong time.

"You needed me in the OR?" she clarifies.

"Yes" comes his forceful answer.

"Dr. Pierce, I'm quite sure that any of my nurses can easily fill in for me in the OR." Her voice is steely.

He narrows his eyes at her. "I'll keep that in mind." He's not talking about the OR anymore.

The air is sucked out of the room.

She opens her mouth to speak but shuts it just as quickly. The other men watch in shock as well.

She resolves to try to keep the peace. "You're jealous." She says quietly before she turns and walks out the door into the compound.

For a moment, he stares at the door.

"Hawk" BJ says hoping to defuse the situation.

He ignores his friend and throws the door open as he marches out.

"Margaret!" he shouts drawing the attention of the busy camp and of the woman who turns at the sound of his voice.

The frustration is evident on her face. She is trying so hard to not let her anger get the better of her but he is intent on arguing.

"You're not walking away from me." He demands standing to tower over her.

After an OR session the compound is teeming with people. Briefly her attention is drawn to the audience raptly watching. He's aware of them too but he's too angry to worry about the secrets he is spilling. BJ already clued him in on the betting pool.

For a moment she looks like she will walk away again to escape this very public exchange but he can see her weighing the situation and the scales tip.

"You need me in OR but you just can't admit you need me any other time." This is the closest they have ever come to speaking about this thing that has stretched on for over two years.

Her statement throws him. He expected an explosion of Houlihan passion, but if Hawkeye is anything, he is adaptable. He finds his footing quickly and changes tactic to avoid the subject of emotions.

"Excuse me if I don't measure up to the likes of Frank Burns or Donald Penobscott, or any of the rest of the military brass you're so friendly with." He's also good at playing dirty.

The implication in his voice rings in the stillness of the camp.

By the widening of her eyes, he can see that his insult hit its target.

He closes his eyes and drops his head instantly regretting his words. He is expecting at any moment that she will unleash the full brunt of her anger upon him.

For her part, she is unsure of how to respond. They have both made so many mistakes and this thing they have is hanging on the edge. Just maybe she wants to see what is on the other side.

So she takes a deep breath and readies herself. "They didn't measure up to you." Her tone is low and gentle.

Opening his eyes he meets her gaze and she can see the shock in their blue depths.

"I've just realized that I need more." Her voice holds an edge of regret.

She turns away from him moving towards her tent.

BJ and Potter stand outside the Post Op door watching this scene unfold.

"Come on, Hawk" BJ mutters.

Potter nods his agreement. Something has to give.

With each step, her heart sinks lower. She knows that this thing they have is not giving her what she needs but at the same time she's not sure she is ready to let it go either.

He watches as she moves farther away from him and, while the rational part of his mind tells him it is only to her tent, the other part tells him that he is quickly losing out on an opportunity.

After Carlisle, he thought he was better on his own but if Korea has taught him anything, it has taught him that there are some things you shouldn't fight against and what she has brought into his life in the last two years eclipses anyone and anything that came before.

Her hand is on her door when she hears his heavy footfall behind her. His hand covers here and turns her around. The surprise parts her lips and he quickly takes advantage as he pulls her close and kisses her. He is thankful she melts against him instead of pulling away.

For the moment the inhabitants are in shock. There was always suspicion and gossip but here is the actual proof and in typical camp fashion they erupt in applause and catcalls.

Having forgotten about the very public setting they are in, they self-consciously pull back from one another. Hawkeye, always the showman, gives a wave and smile to the group while she ducks into her tent. He quickly follows, closing the door behind him.

"So much for that" He's not sorry it's out in the open finally.

Her tent looks the same as it did last night. "I came by here last night. You weren't here."

She nods. "I was delivering a baby. Didn't Klinger tell you?"

He takes a deep breath. "No."

"What did you think?" She asks unsure if she wants to know.

"I thought you…" he gestures vaguely with his hands.

"You thought I was with Colonel Richmond." She understands perfectly what he was thinking.

"Yes." He admits in resignation.

"He's like a second father to me." She clarifies.

He nods his head slowly feeling a bit ashamed. There is still the elephant in the room and they really shouldn't avoid it anymore.

"I need more too." He admits, but so unsure of how to continue. Hawkeye doesn't do relationships. Medicine has always been his greatest love.

The look in her eye is a measuring one. He tries to not fidget under her scrutiny. "I never told you why I married Donald." She begins carefully.

He wasn't expecting that and it shows on his face. "I didn't think it was my place to ask." He's not sure he wants to know where this is going.

Sitting down heavily on her cot she looks down at her hands, the absence of the ring on her finger is still noticeable and painful. It hasn't escaped his attention how from time to time she unconsciously rubs the spot where it had left an indent on her finger.

"I didn't know what you and I had" she continues with a sad note in her voice. "I knew what Frank and I had." A note of distaste creeps in. "I felt like I was a convenient warm body and I wanted more than that." She draws a trembling breath. "And here was a man that I thought wanted me for me." She shakes her head sadly. "He was a poor substitute but he said the right words at the right times. And I thought I would be happy."

She falls silent after her admission but thankfully doesn't look at him expectantly for a response. He never meant for her to feel used, though at the time of her engagement he couldn't have given her any form of commitment or explanation. It wasn't until he thought he had lost her that he really began to consider what she could mean to him.

"Margaret…" she still doesn't raise her head. "The only thing I have ever really committed too in my life has been medicine. I've had women I love leave me because they couldn't compete." He pauses when she looks up at him. Her eyes are shiny with unshed tears.

"That's why you're the best." She says firmly with pride in her voice.

He gives a small smile. Despite all their differences, he knows that they have always had a strong respect for each other professionally.

"Likewise." He takes this opening to move closer to her and sit beside her on the cot. She looks back down at her hands.

"My point is," he continues taking her hand gently in his." That no one has been more important to me than medicine."

She knew of course that was his one real driving passion in his life. Sacrificing a personal life for a career is one she is familiar with and she can see why he would so easily chose career.

Turning her hand over in his, he lays his other hand on top of it. When he pulls it away, she closes her hand around the object he placed there.

Opening her hand she holds up the small metal item. It glints in the light of her tent.

She turns to him confused. "Your caduceus?"

He shrugs."You're more important to me, Margaret. This will just have to do until we go to Tokyo to get something more fitting." He finishes offhandedly.

The surprise shows in her eyes. "What do you mean?" She's done making assumptions.

"What do I mean?" He is incredulous. "What do you think I mean?"

The look she gives him could melt stone. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

He stands up and paces a few steps. "Well yes, minus the ring."

When she doesn't respond, he begins to panic. What more could he do to show what she means to him?

She looks back up at him, her face is determined.

"I won't give up my career." Too many men have tried to pigeonhole her in their white-picket fantasies.

He regards her for a moment. "After the war, you plan on staying in the Army." It's a statement, not a question.

She regards him for a moment. "I always thought it was what I wanted."

He feels that bit of hope spring up inside of him. "And now?"

"And now, I want something different." Her voice is quiet and thoughtful.

He decides to test the waters, "When the war is over, I could use a good surgical nurse who knows what I like." He gives her one of _those_ smiles.

Standing, she smiles back. "Perhaps." She looks at the metallic item again. The last thing she wants to do is to rush in again.

Gently he reaches out and takes it from her hand. "Margaret, I'm sure." She can see the determination in his eyes as he pins it to her lapel.

The look she gives him speaks volumes. "Okay then."

**Author's note: epilogue to follow**


	7. epilogue

Korea is full of dangers and the denizens of MASH 4077 have adapted to the various threats.

Stay out of the minefield.

Watch out for snipers.

Avoid being in the middle of a fight between the Head Nurse and the Chief Surgeon.

The latest blow up comes in a Post Op full of wounded and personnel.

"You can't just admit it, can you!" she all but yells at him.

"Of course I can't!" he argues back "Because it's not true."

Before she can come up with a retort, he turns and walks out the door. She quickly follows. Nurses and corpsman make way for the pair as they cross the compound.

He is taller though so she has to nearly run to keep up with his quick pace.

When she overtakes him and blocks his path, the arguing begins anew.

The inhabitants go about their business while giving the couple a wide berth. The Major is especially worked up. Her exaggerated hand movements highlight her frustration. A glint of light shows as she waves her hand around.

He leans closer to her and with a few short words, silences her.

If looks could kill-She turns on her heel and marches to her tent.

Hawkeye watches her go with a slightly bemused expression.

"Mail call, my Captain" Klinger cheerfully announces as he approaches, handing off a letter from his father which draws a smile.

"I have mail for the Major." Klinger volunteers warily. Enlisted bear the brunt of the woman's wrath at times like this.

"Give her some time to cool off." Hawkeye replies distractedly looking towards her tent. "Doctor's orders." He smiles widely.

"Pierce!" The Major has thrown the door open to the tent.

"Looks like I'm being paged." He casually says before walking the opposite direction and disappearing into the Swamp.

"Oh boy." Klinger mutters. "This won't be pretty." He says to himself as he retreats to Post Op where it is likely to be safe.

Later, Margaret enters the nurse's tents to hand out duty assignments. The women are in high spirits having received mail from home and a care package with cookies.

Seeing her sour expression, they are quick to share with her in hopes of lightening her mood.

Her thanks is genuine and the friendship the women show to her does help. They watch her carefully having heard the raised voices in the compound.

As she writes on her clipboard, the light of the tent is reflected in the ring on her finger. The nurses have admired this ring from afar and up close, and aside from the impressive stone, it is the unknown story behind it that really draws their interest.

"Major," Kelley ventures, "We were heading over the Officer's Club and thought you might want to join us?"

Margaret looks up from her clipboard. The new camaraderie she feels with her nurses has taken some adjustment but it is refreshing. "That sounds good."

It's a small thing but it makes her feel better and she exits the tent with a lighter step.

At the Officer's Club the music flows as does the drink. Most of the unit has turned out to celebrate a lull in the flow of wounded. The nurses have laid claim to a large table and their laughter fills the room.

Charles seeing an opportunity approaches the table with a kind smile.

"Margaret," he draws her attention, "Would you do me the honor of a dance?"

With a warm smile, Margaret accepts. Taking his offered hand, she allows him to lead her to the area filled with other dancing couples.

They dance and laugh. He has always enjoyed her company and the fact that she is attractive has not escaped his attention, but that is not why he dances with her tonight.

The still is a wonderful escape but it can only offer a man so much.

The club is in full swing when BJ and Hawkeye enter. He heads straight to the bar with BJ in tow. They quickly place their orders before turning to observe the room.

His entrance has not gone unnoticed by the ladies. Ever eager to catch up on what they missed in the time before they watch him closely without looking obvious. They can tell the moment he spots the Majors on the dance floor from the way he goes very still.

He leans over to speak to his friend and they both look.

The dancing couple, for their part, never notice the attention they are drawing.

BJ tries to placate his friend who won't have any of it. He accepts his drink and steps away from the bar.

He approaches the couple and watches with a small smile on his face. The nurses quiet down, watching the scene. They have always loved the way the Chief Surgeon operates.

"Charles" Hawkeye gets the other man's attention.

"Pierce" he returns barely breaking stride and turns the blonde in a different direction. The smile on the woman's face shows she finds this amusing.

Not to be deterred though, Hawkeye follows along and taps the man on the shoulder.

"Hold this." He says thrusting the drink in the man's face, when he turns to him.

Reflex takes over as Charles lets go of his partner with one hand and takes the drink.

Taking the opportunity, Hawkeye steps in and dips her in a kiss. instinctively she wraps her arms around his neck and deepens it.

Charles smiles and retreats to the waiting BJ. He sips his drink knowing his part in this little spectacle. At least Pierce ordered the good scotch this time around.

When the couple comes up, they fall into a dance with one another that leaves them in their own world. It is in times like these that they let the love they feel for each other shine through.

She's not sure how it will go when the war is over. They may be too different to make this work outside of Korea but when she looks in those blue eyes she knows with a fierce certainty that she will give it everything she has and more.

He has the same concerns about life back in the States. They both have such strong personalities that the threat may be that they break each other. But the way she fits against him now and stands by his side tells him that this is the woman he was meant to be with.

For them it is all or nothing.


	8. Author's Note

Author's Note:

I have really enjoyed playing with the characters of MASH and have greatly appreciated your reviews. They were very encouraging. If you would like, I would accept prompt ideas and consider writing a one-shot or more if my creative juices flow. If you are interested in submitting an idea, please PM me and I will see what I can come up with.

Thank you very much for your support!


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